Starting this blog has been quite difficult as a family we feel it something we wanted to do we grieve together but we also grieve as individuals each week we will take a turn blog our thoughts and feelings 

Losing a baby is one of the hardest most cruellest most single heartbreaking thing that can happen to a mummy or daddy also the knock on effect of other children, grandparents, aunts. uncles i could go on but the whole family will be effected, the loss is immense, it steals your future your hopes and dreams, Charlie is my grandson and my name is sam i will be writing this week.

 

August/sept 2012..

I remember the time well my daughter telling me she was pregnant exciting times we sat and talked about her plans, whether she would have a boy/girl and how many weeks she thought she was, working out dates, this baby would be my 3rd grandchild i felt so lucky, Carrie is my only daughter as i three son's two older than Carrie one younger, we set about making doctors appointments and waited, a first scan appointment came and we had to wait 3 weeks time dragged but we occupied our time picking out nice clothes which once we new the sex of the baby we could then buy them all, the scan day finally arrived up early ready to go, heading to  the hospital was exciting, my family was expanding i never new that the next 2 hours would change my life forever, Carrie was nervous after all it her first child i told her things will be fine, after all it just a scan, words which will probably haunt me for the rest of my life, we arrived in plenty of time and waited for Carrie to be called Carrie-ann we heard we jumped this is it boy/girl as we watched the screen the lady scanned and then kept scanning then said how many weeks do you think you are Carrie replied around 8, there was no smile from the lady she said i think more around 18 and i need to speak to someone and left the room, i tried to reassure carrie, after what seemed like forever the lady retuned and explained that there seems to be a problem looking at the kidneys or lack of them and we was asked to move to another room, we were greeted by a head coordinator  who said we would need to return to see a specialist the next few days i did get quite annoyed not knowing what the problem was, she said in matter of fact way that there is no way this baby would be born alive and if it made it to full term which was unlikely it would be stillborn, to be fair we all went into a little shock but the anger of 1 calling my grandchild it and 2 the look of devastation on my daughter's face, i don't think i took on board the seriousness of the situation, maybe i didn't want to, i did my best to try and comfort my daughter, saying lets see what the doctors say, we left the hospital not knowing what the future held