Over the last 3 years talking to parents and their families, one thing that has stood out is the feelings of jealousy and resentment towards friends/family members that have become pregnant.
Some feel so bad that they should feel like this as these are their friends but it is a normal reaction following the loss of your own baby.
Seeing other pregnant women can be very difficult to face when you have suffered a loss. Seeing babies can sometimes be even worse.
It is totally OK to feel like this, anger, jealousy and resentment are all normal feelings of grief and you are entitled to have them. Don't let other people make you feel bad for having these feelings.
These feelings are also Ok for other family members to experience, they are also grieving and seeing pregnant ladies or babies can stir feelings of 'what could have been'.
When we lost Charlie I know that I used to find it difficult when I would see women with their children who were shouting at them. I would want to go up and say how lucky they are to have such wonderful healthy children, don't waste any moment you have with them.
It can also be difficult when you see friends or colleagues complaining about how they are feeling during their pregnancy, complaining of morning sickness or tiredness. You understand that they may be feeling bad but you would love to be in that position.
Some of the people we have spoken with have said that to start with after their loss they found it easier to try and avoid seeing their pregnant friends/relatives.
This is also ok, if this is what helps you survive through your grief then it is the right thing for you to do. This won't go on forever and you will reach the point where you feel comfortable to be around pregnant ladies or small babies.
There is no point forcing yourself into these situations as it will just be too much for you emotionally. Why should you make yourself do something that will cause you more pain and heartache. You need to remember that you are the important one at the moment and whatever makes it less painful has to be ok.
Some of the families we work with have also told us that when they were pregnant their friend was also at the same stage of their pregnancy and they used to be able to swap stories and experiences. Now they find it extremely hard to be around them as it just reminds them of what they should be experiencing.
Again this is perfectly normal to feel like this and in time these feelings will ease. If they are close friends they will totally understand why you have to distance yourself at the time and will be there for you when you do feel ready.
Eventually you will feel strong enough, and will remember how good it was to be pregnant, and you will find that you can become excited for friends or family who become pregnant.
When you feel stronger you will also start to think that it is not their fault that they are pregnant and it is not their baby you are missing. You will get back to feeling happy for them.
The one thing I would always say is to remember to be honest, both to yourself and others. If you are finding it difficult or are struggling to be around pregnant ladies then say so, if they are friends they will totally understand.