Sunday 24 August 2014

Our lives changed forever on the 29th December 2012 at 04.11 am. 
Charlie Arthur Curtis wasn't supposed to make his arrival until the 22nd February, his mummy's birthday, but he had other ideas. I think maybe he realised that to be born on his mummy's birthday would be even harder for her to deal with in the future.

Before Charlies birth I had done so much reading up on Potters Syndrome on the internet, and everything I read said that babies born with PS look different to other babies. 
The pictures I saw were quite upsetting and I was worried how I would react. I needn't have worried at all. 
Charlie was the most gorgeous, handsome little boy I have ever seen. He looked like any other baby I had seen, but obviously in my eyes much more beautiful.  
He only weighed 4lbs but he didn't look that small, he fitted perfectly into the crook of my arm. 
He had lovely auburn hair and the cutest button nose. He looked like he was just sleeping and at times I did hope he would just open his eyes and look up at me. 
I remember just staring at him for ages trying to absorb as much of him into my memory as was possible. 
Watching Carrie holding Charlie was such a mixed feeling, she looked so beautiful and proud of her little man , but then I would remember that we wouldn't be taking Charlie home with us. This broke my heart, so how on earth was Carrie dealing with this. How was she finding the strength to keep going.

Life seemed very unfair. How could it be right that such a beautiful, innocent little life be taken away so soon. 

Before Charlies birth I think I was like anyone else, I stressed out about normal things like money and being late for appointments. I got irritated by little things, like missing the bin men. 
Now when I feel myself getting anxious about something I remember my gorgeous grandsons face and realise that in the grand scheme of things its nothing to worry about. 
I think I have become much more patient and relaxed about certain things. I appreciate people and things much more now. The things that used to worry me still worry me a little but now I realise they are really only little worries. 

I am glad that I have changed but I wish that I hadn't. I would have much preferred to be still getting stressed out but able to see and cuddle my grandson. 

Thank You Charlie for making me see the world in a different way.






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