Who is Charlie Arthur Curtis?

This is a question I will never tire of answering, all of us are so proud of Charlie and what he has inspired us to achieve. 
Even when we are finding it difficult or emotional to talk about him we just remember how brave and strong he was.
When we are asked to do an interview or write about him it fills us with pride to tell them all about this incredible little boy.

Charlie always will be a very very special little boy to us, his family, but over the last 4 years he has also become special to so many others.

He is a Son, a Grandson, a Great Grandson, a Nephew, a Cousin and now a special Angel.

He was a fighter from the day he was created to the day he left us to gain his angel wings. Someone so small and vulnerable should not have to fight like he had to but he showed so much strength.

He fought against his illness with great vigour and showed his mummy what a tough little cookie he was. 
Through his show of strength he also gave her fight to keep strong and protect his life for 32 precious weeks. 
He then gave her the strength to carry on after his death and to try and help other families.

Charlie also gave the whole family strength to support his mummy through the hardest challenge in her life as well as enabling us to be able to keep going. 

We have all come through as much different people, all of us changed in different ways. 
Issues that we used to think were massive problems now pale into insignificance. When you go through a loss it puts other things into perspective and makes you reevaluate your reactions to situations.

None of us have been left untouched by Charlie's presence.

Now his fight is being felt by so many more people all across the UK and the world. Because of him there are now so many more families that are able to access the support and friendship they need to help them.

How amazing is it that such a small little boy can be making such a huge effect and making major changes all over the world. 

I want everyone to know about Charlie because I feel so proud of what he achieved and is still achieving in his memory.

Charlie Arthur Curtis, an inspiration, a motivator, a little prince.

Since we set up the charity in 2013 we have been the ones who have organised and hosted all the fundraising events. We have really enjoyed the things we have arranged and have tried to make them a variety of events to appeal to a wider audience.

It has got easier over the years as we have gradually gained experience and confidence in our abilities but at times it has been very time consuming and stressful. 
Our hope has always been that we would get to the point where other people would be holding events or taking part in sponsored events. 

Well 2017 seems to be the start of this happening.

It has been absolutely amazing being contacted asking if it was 'ok to do an event for us'. Some of them have been friends of families we have supported, some have been families who have lost a child or baby and others have been companies that have seen our website and liked what we are doing and want to help.

The first company to contact us was Touchstone, who are themselves a charity that work in the field of mental health. One of their employees had found our website whilst looking for a local charity to support. Every year they choose a charity to raise money for and luckily for us they liked our vision and plans to change the current provision of bereavement support.
They organised 2 events, one was a fun day at their offices, and the 2nd was a sponsored walk at Roundhay Park, Leeds.

                            

                            

These are a couple of pictures from their first event. The day was a great success and everyone had a brilliant time. They managed to raise a fantastic £298.53.
The sponsored run was also a great morning, I went along originally to cheer and support them all but ended up joining in and completing the walk myself. It was  really good getting to walk round with them all and get to know a bit more about them.

We are hoping that we will be able to meet up with all of them again. In total for the two events they have currently raised over £500, what a wonderful group of people they are.

 
The next event that has turned out to be a huge fundraising success has been the Leeds 10K. 
Originally we had just one runner taking part for us, Charlies Uncle Shane. In his youth Shane had been a brilliant cross country runner so I think he saw this as an event he could excel in. He has not really ran much in his adult years but he was truly determined to do it.

A couple of weeks before the race we received an email from Bevan Brittan Solicitors letting us know that there were 9 of the employees taking part in the 10K for us. They had chosen us because we have been supporting a family who are one of their employees close friends. We were really surprised but very excited and grateful.

 
In the week running up to the run we were again contacted by a lady, Ruth Childerson, who had decided to do the run for us as a close friend had recently lost a baby and we are now supporting her. It is very touching when things like this happen as it shows us how important the work we are doing is and that there are people out there who want to do something to show their support.

On Sunday 9th July several of us from the charity, along with Charlies three young cousins, went along to cheer everyone on. It had forecast unsettled weather but it turned out to be a blazing hot day. 

Charlies cousins, who are Shane's daughters, had been busy making posters to wave in support of everyone.

They were very excited to see their daddy along the route and were even shouting out 'run daddy run'. Shane excelled himself and finished the run in 1 hour 8 minutes. We are all very proud of him and know Charlie will be as well.
Lyndon Cambell from Bevan Brittan completed the run in a personal best time which in such hot weather is fantastic.
Ruth ran the race in 1 hour 21 minutes. To complete the run is good but to do it in such scorching sunshine is outstanding. 

  The current total for the money raised from the run is £4,226.46.
What an absolutely phenomenal amount, we would like to say a massive thank you to everyone who took part in the race, you are all wonderful people. 

The funds you have raised will enable us to continue to provide our services to bereaved parents and families across the UK.

We hope that it continues like this and we get many more people organising events to fundraise for us. We love getting to meet so many amazing fundraisers.

Each week things seem to be getting bigger and better for the charity, and this week has been no different.

On Monday 3rd of July we took a huge step forward on our road to opening our bereavement centre.

We have been looking around for a bigger office to move into for a little while as we have been growing out of our current one. A few weeks ago we finally found the one that we could see us developing our services in.

 We had been to see a few but this one just had that feeling about it, it felt comfortable and spacious. The office is situated close enough to the town centre for good transport links but not too close to the hustle and bustle. It also had parking spaces available which is important to us when we have clients or counsellors visit.

We have spent the last couple of weeks sorting out the furniture and decor and we think it is looking really great. 

We feel like we have made a nice welcoming environment for anyone to come along to. 

Having this room will enable us to see many more families and will allow us to start up our Community Support Group here. We are also hoping to start up drop in sessions and a men's support group.

The office will also enable our counsellors to arrange to see clients there.

Last week we held our first committee meeting at the new office which was a great opportunity for our trustees to see how things are developing. They were all really positive about the room and commented on how warm and friendly it was. We couldn't have had a better response which just confirmed that we had chosen the right one.

This week we invited 2 professionals, from the hospital, that we work closely with to come and see what we had to offer and they loved it. They agree that this is a huge step forward for us and will ensure that we can continue to grow and get our services out to as many families as possible.

The next chapter in our charities development has well and truly began. If you are ever in the area of the office please pop in to see us, let us show you around and see what we have on offer. 

We are really proud of what we have achieved so far and feel that this is just the start of something even bigger which will make sure that bereaved families are able to access the help and support they deserve and need.

Thank you to all of you for getting behind us and for your continued support it really has made a difference to us and the families we support.

Our address is Sandway Business Centre, Shannon Street, Leeds

LS9 8SS. 

Today was the first event hosted by Touchstone raising money for our charity.

They are also a charity but each year they chose another cause to raise funds for and we are the one they have chosen.

They have organised two events the first being an afternoon of fun and entertainment at their base near St James hospital in Leeds. They have a Twitter account and looking at the pictures and videos they have uploaded it was a great afternoon of fun and laughter.

They managed to raise an amazing £298.53.

Thank You doesn't convey enough how we feel about the effort they are putting into their events to raise money for us and the families we support.

Their next event is going to take place on the 8th July at Roundhay Park, Leeds. They will be doing a sponsored walk with many of them completing it in fancy dress. We will be going along to lend our support and cheer them on. Please come along to show your support an say hello.

This year we are seeing a lot of people approach us wanting to raise money for us. As well as giving us a little respite into the organising of events, which can be very stressful (lol), it also shows us how much we have come on and developed as a charity.

Some of the people are organising events as a way of showing their support for a family member or a friend who have lost a baby or child and others are families that we have worked with and given them help and support.

It makes us feel very proud of all we have achieved in a relatively short period of time and it also makes us see how amazing it is what Charlie has achieved in his short but precious life. 

What can you possibly say to parents who have lost a baby or child without it sounding wrong? What can you do to try and help them?

This is something we hear a lot from friends or family members of a family who have lost their baby or child.

No one is an expert when it comes to this 'out of the natural order of things' tragedy. The grief a bereaved parent feels is felt so deep within and is individually expressed. Everybody responds in different and unique ways.

As a bereaved family ourselves, we feel deep compassion for any parent who loses a baby or child of any age.

We can understand the chaos and confusion, that the families are feeling. We know that all-consuming pain and the longing that it didn't happen.

But what can you say to someone who has lost a child? 

"I am so sorry," is a start.

 And sometimes this is probably all that is needed to be  said.

There are many things that people can do. Some are just very simple gestures but they can mean so much to the family and shows love and empathy for their current situation. 

Initially it may be that you are there for them whilst they sit and cry, being with someone can make them feel safer in their grief. Some days you may even sit and cry with them, and this is ok, it shows you care and feel the loss.

Another way you can help is by making extra meals when you are cooking and taking them round. Whilst they are in these early days of grief eating and cooking is easily forgotten. Time stands still and days blend into each other. On many days they will not want to get out of bed, much less shop, cook and take care of themselves.

Other ways to help can be to take over simple chores that need doing like mowing the lawn, getting the shopping or putting the bins out, again these things come way down on their list of priorities and often won't even come into their mind. 

Making regular visits to check in with them can be really beneficial and can make them feel supported.  Sometimes being there to give them a hug and holding them as they cry is all that is needed. Grief can feel very lonely and your continued visits really can make a difference.

And above all, the most important thing people can do is to remember their child and say their name. This could be remembering birthdays and anniversaries, taking little memorial gifts for their house or garden or sharing memories.

A lot of friends or family will say "I just can't imagine ..." No family can ever imagine this path for their lives either. But now it has happened they need you to be able to try to imagine. Sitting quietly and listening as they open up to you about what has happened and trying to help them feel less alone.

I read this quote earlier and I think it is so true,

 "Silence is sometimes the best thing to do, holding a hand, hugging somebody. There are no words that explain or would make any difference to the suffering. Sometimes people say, 'I don't know what to say to these people.' You know, I say don't say anything. Just hold their hand. Hold them, hug them and just stay around for an hour or so in silence and just be there. That's what is needed at times like this ..."

Most bereaved families will need this for the rest of their lives.  The people surrounding them may recover from the deaths of their children but the bereaved family will never fully recover. 

If you know a family that is trying to keep going after the loss of their baby or child, maybe this weekend pop round to see how they are, take a meal round or just make them a cup of tea and sit with them for a while.

Through our work we are privileged to meet and work with some of the most amazingly strong families going the most difficult time in their lives. We are always taken aback by how they are able to keep putting one foot in front of the other whilst feeling like their hearts are broken. 

Every family we have met have all got one thing in common, the strength to keep going and spending their lives remembering and honouring the child they lost. 

The death of a baby/child whether expected or unexpected is the most devastating thing to happen to a parent. 

From the moment you find out you are pregnant you start to plan how this little life will affect your lives. You start to dream of what your child will become, who they will look like and what they will achieve. To have this taken from you leaves a gap that can never be filled. 

Whilst you may go on to have other children this gap will always be there. 

Following the death of a baby it is really common for parents to blame themselves and think that they must have done something wrong. They can feel that if they had done something different the outcome might be different. The reality is that it is extremely unlikely that anything you did or didn't do would have changed the outcome.  

Most of the parents we have met or talked to say that they found spending time with their child following the death very helpful in the grieving process. 
To be able to spend time as a family, caring for your child can make it easier to mourn the loss. 
A lot of hospitals have special bereavement units attached to the delivery suite where couples and families can stay following the birth and death. There are also bereavement midwives that can provide support throughout the birth and days to follow. Not every hospital within the UK has a bereavement midwife but this is slowly improving.

The time spent in the bereavement suite is so important in helping you to get to know your child, spend time holding them and taking as many photographs as you want. The midwives will support you through this time and will spend time with you and your child giving you the opportunity to bathe them and dress them. They will also take your child’s foot and hand prints for you and take a lock of your baby’s hair to place in a memory box. 

Following the loss your body is still experiencing all the things a new mum goes through which can cause a lot of distress. You will still experience the tiredness and the production of breast milk. In hospital you may be given medication to help with the production of milk but you will still suffer with breast tenderness. All of these are a constant reminder to you of your loss. 

Remember to take your time to recover, don’t rush it. 

Everyone heals at a different rate and you have to heal both emotionally and physically. 

Remember to take time as a couple to grieve together.

Our goal has always been to make sure that a bereaved family is given the support and help they want and need to help them deal with their loss. Over the last 4 years we have been actively supporting many families and this number is increasing day after day.

It is heartbreaking knowing that the reason we are kept busy is that another family has joined our world of child and baby loss. It is something none of us would ever want to join or even imagine we would join but through it we have made some life long friends and colleagues. 

Being a bereaved family is hard work but if you have somewhere to go or someone to talk to it can take away some of the burden you carry. 
This is what we hope Charlies-Angel-Centre Foundation is able to offer to families and we will continue to do so for many more years. 

As the grandparent of a grandchild in heaven I understand how difficult it can be to experience the death of a grandchild. The grandparent/grandchild relationship is a very special one. When a grandchild dies, a grandparent grieves. They grieve not only for their grandchild, but also for the grief of the bereaved parents. 

For some grandparents, the hardest part is a sense of helplessness.

They feel the pain that the child’s parents suffer, but their own grief may also be very intense. When a child dies, both the parents and grandparents lose a big part of their present and their future. 

Grief is very individual, a bereaved grandmother can often grieve differently than the grandfather and this difference can sometimes create a tension between them. This does not mean that one of them is right and the other wrong. They are both struggling to cope with their own grief as well as supporting the rest of the family. 

There is not one right way to grieve.

Knowing what usually happens in grief can help bereaved grandparents as they grieve. It can also help them as they try to understand their child’s grief and as healing slowly occurs for all.

Grief is said to have several stages. However, most bereaved grandparents do not grieve step by step. 

Grief is disorderly and irrational.

At the time of the death of a loved one, there is a protective numbness. Even though they know that the loved one has died, their minds want to deny it. They may find themselves talking of the grandchild as if the child were still alive. 

The ache in the chest can become a constant companion. As the denial lessens, grandparents begin to feel great hurt and frustration. This could lead to anger directed at others and at themselves. 
Guilt, real or imagined, is always there with the recurring “What ifs?” “Why didn’t I?”. As they try to resolve their guilt feelings, anger often returns in full force. 
Grandparents may experience all of this twice, Once for the grandchild who died, and then for the parents who have their own guilt, anger and pain to cope with. Guilt may occur because they live on, while the young one has died. This is not the natural order of life and can be very difficult to accept and understand.

Sometimes depression is a very real part of grief. It may be overwhelming to bereaved grandparents who may fear that they are going crazy. Bereaved grandparents also worry about the emotional well being of their grieving child.

Time is a slow healer during grief, which lasts much longer than our society is yet to admit or understand. Many families are pressured into feeling 'normal' again, and 'get back to normality'.

Talking with those who have had the same experience can be really useful. Grandparents can help other grandparents in this way by sharing experiences and helping each other to realise that what they have been feeling is totally normal. Some find help in reading about grief and the experiences of others, particularly of grandparents. They may be helped in dealing with their children’s grief by reading about parental grief itself. Some draw comfort and strength from their religious faith, although that faith may be severely tested. 

Those who grieve are tired much of the time. 

Men may have grown up with the tradition that men don’t cry, although they know that this is not true in their private moments. They may feel that they must remain composed so that they can support their wives and children in their grief. 

The family may feel that grandparents are not grieving, although in reality they are feeling the same doubt, guilt, anger and despair as others. Tears have healing properties and should not be suppressed by grandparents since they are a part of grief.

Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of grief is the question that grandparents/parents continually face: Why? 
Friends try to comfort with answers but for the bereaved, no answer exists.  

Bereaved grandparents and parents will be told that they must get back to normal. But what is now normal for them will never be the same as it was before the child’s death. Life without that child must go on and as healing occurs, it will. 
Holidays, birthdays and anniversaries including that of the child’s death, may be stressful times. Allow time and space for your own emotional needs.
There will be a deeper appreciation for those children and grandchildren who are around. 
There will be a greater understanding of others who experience similar loss. 
Many grandparents become more compassionate because of the tragic event that has touched their lives. 

Healing will help the bereaved accept the new life which has been forced upon them.

Grief is the price we pay for loving. Grandparents love both the dead grandchild and the grieving parents. As they grieve and try to understand the parents, healing will occur.  Although they retain scars, grandparents will recall the happy times they once shared with their children and their grandchildren and not just the tragedy and sense of loss that they have come to know.  

We all have to find our own path through grief.

But we do not have to walk it alone.