Since we lost Charlie in 2012 we have met some amazing families who were also going through the loss of their baby or child. 

If we had not been blessed to have had Charlie in our lives we would never have met these people, and been able to help them. 
Ideally we would not have lost Charlie but we truly believe that he was given to us for a reason and that helps us to keep going and fighting for change. 

One of the main things we have learnt is that there is no 'normal' or 'standard' way to get through a loss.

The families we have spoken with have all been at different stages of their loss some having lost their child many years ago and some that have only just lost their child.

We have also met with many different relations to the child as well, all struggling with the loss.

Some times the public thinks that the ones that should be struggling through their grief are the parents, although we have also seen that the father can get overlooked. 
If we had not been through this we would probably have also thought like that.  

The one thing we have come to realise, as a family, is that every member of the family is affected in many different ways.

Understandably the parents are the ones who feel the death most closely and painfully and the support is aimed at them, if they are lucky enough to be offered it. 

Whilst we were not given professional support we did give each other help and comfort. 

From talking with lots of families affected by death we have found that other relatives often feel that they are overlooked and seen as not needing the same help. We know that this is not true.

Every member of that family will feel the loss at some time and whilst it will all be at a different level and in a different way they will all need help to come to terms with the loss. It is not just the adults within the family that struggle either, the children will also find it difficult to deal with.

At times we felt that we didn't want to talk to each other about Charlie as we didn't want to upset each other but after time we realised that in fact it was often the total opposite. Talking about Charlie together helped us to grieve.

If you know a family that is going through a loss, however long ago it might have been, please take the time to talk to them about their child as they do want to share them and keep their memory alive. 

Just by acknowledging their child's existence can mean so much to them, and as we enter the Christmas period it can mean so much more during what can be such a difficult time of year.

And don't forget about the other members of the family, the grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts & uncles, cousins as they will also need to talk about how the loss has changed them. Asking them how they are doing is all it can take to make them see that their feelings are important to.

Grief can be overpowering and overwhelming and does change you but having supportive friends and family around you can make a real difference.