Effects of grief

There are many effects of bereavement that can strike while you are coping with grief.

Many grief symptoms are very unnatural and scary. But almost all of them are perfectly normal.  You're not losing your mind your just going through a normal and healthy grieving process.

These are some of the physical symptoms you may experience:

•  Exhaustion, muscle tightness or weakness, body pains, fidgety restlessness, lack of  energy. The act of grieving uses an amazing amount of energy. 
•  Fatigue is usually self-limiting and will improve over time.
•  Insomnia, sleeping too much, disturbing dreams.
•  Loss of appetite, overeating, nausea, "hollow stomach", indigestion, intestinal  disorders like  diarrhoea, excessive weight gain or loss. 
•  Headaches, short of breath, chest pressure, tightness or heaviness in the throat.
•  If your loved one died because of an illness, it is not uncommon to worry that you  might get sick and die, too. You might even develop symptoms similar to those they  had.
•  The hallmark of emotions during grief is unpredictability - you'll be up, down, all over  the place! It feels crazy, but it's normal. As long as your emotions are constantly  changing,  moving and evolving, you're on the right track.
•  Most people stricken by a loss report an initial period of shock, numbness, or  disbelief  that the tragedy has even occurred. This is a normal defense mechanism of  the mind to  protect you from being overwhelmed. This allows you to absorb the loss  at a pace you are able to. When the shock wears off, unfortunately, the grief strikes  full-blown. At first it may seem helpful to separate yourself from the pain, but that is  not a  good thing. You must go through it sooner or later in order to bring your grief to  resolution. 
•  Of course, you'll feel overwhelming sadness, and miss the physical closeness of your  lost loved one. You'll shed many tears, and then be worried when you can't cry any  more. 
•  It's also common for you to feel at least some degree of relief, especially if the death  followed a long illness, or it was a conflicted relationship.The feelings of relief will  likely be  followed by guilt. You may also feel some "survivor's guilt" ("Why her and  not me?").
•  You may have many regrets. You may regret things left unsaid or dreams not yet  realized.  You may feel guilt and regret over the circumstances of the death.Try to find  comfort in the fact that most every bereaved person goes through such emotional  turmoil. It's one of the common effects of bereavement.
•  You may feel helpless and panic-stricken at times. A myriad of strong human  emotions is part of the whole package known as bereavement. As time goes on, the  emotions will soften and the intensity will less.
•  Trouble concentrating, finishing tasks, forgetfulness, inability to make decisions,absent-  mindedness. It is sometimes said that you should avoid making any life-changing decisions  for at least a year after the loss. 
•  Anger is a "biggie", almost universally experienced by all who grieve. It is perfectly normal  and understandable for you to feel rage at the horrible injustice that has happened to you.
•  You may feel mad at your loved one (for leaving you, especially in cases of suicide).The  situation (such as a drunk driver),The doctors (for not saving her),God (for allowing this to  happen) and The whole world.

After suffering a loss, you will be a changed person. You'll survive grief, but life, and you, will never be the same again. This will impact your social life in some way. You may well lose,or gain, some friends over this. Social support may be abundant soon after the loss. Friends and family will gather to provide support for you in the traditional mourning rituals. After a while, though, the cards and flowers will stop coming, and relatives will go back home. Your support system will get back to their lives, and it can feel like they have abandoned you. Months later, when you are truly realizing all that you have lost, when you are achingly lonely, that is the time that you probably need support the most. Unfortunately, a lot of people will have gone by then, and those who are around may be urging you to "get over it" and move on with your life. Sadly, some of your friends will not be calling anymore, and may even be avoiding you. It was easy for them to give you hugs and shed tears with you at the funeral, but now is the difficult part. It is hard and awkward for them. They don't know what to say to you, or how to help you anymore. So they stay away. 

You might want to withdraw socially, voluntarily isolate yourself from others. You may feel detached, disinterested in your usual activities and  interests. You may feel suspicious, irritable and even hostile. 

Your social life will normalize somewhat as you progress through your grief and slowly rejoin the land of the  living. But some of your prior relationships will be forever altered.

To get through grief you need support, not only from family and friends but sometimes from professionals. If this help is difficult or impossible to access then your journey through grief can be further prolonged or made so much harder.

Everyone should be entitled to the correct support needed for them but all to often this is not readily available. 

I heard recently that in some areas of Mental Health Services people are having to wait for years to be seen by the appropriate professional and sadly in some cases people have even taken their own lives whilst waiting to be seen. 

This cant be right and shouldn't be allowed to happen. 

Every time I hear about people struggling to get help and support it makes me even more sure that our centre is needed sooner rather than later.