I read this the other day and thought it would be good to share with all our blog readers. I have read it several times and it says exactly what bereaved parents are feeling so brilliantly.
5 Rights of the Bereaved
1) You
have the right to your feelings.
No one knows exactly what it is like
for you to lose your child. No one has walked the exact same path as you. No
one has lost THIS child who was unique in his or her own special way. You have
a right to feel how to you feel about your loss. Some days will be better than
others. Today might be a good day, moments of laughter might even occur, but
that doesn’t mean two years from now a deep sadness might not wash over you and
you will be tearing up when back to school time rolls around and you’re one
child short when dropping the kids off to school that day. You get to have all
of these emotions and experience them and don’t let anyone else tell you
otherwise.
2) You
have the right to grieve however you choose.
Remember the saying, “There is no
right or wrong way to grieve.” We are all unique, therefore the ways we grieve
the loss of our child will be unique. If you decide to keep their room the same
and untouched for a year after their death, that’s fine. If you still have cake
and a celebration on their birthday every year, great! If you get a tattoo in
remembrance and it’s out of the ordinary for you, super! None of these are more
appropriate or better than the other. As long as you are not hurting yourself
physically or emotionally, there really is no “right” or “wrong” way to do
this. Only your way.
3) You
have the right to grieve for however long you need.
Similar in nature to #2 . There is
also another great saying, “There is no time limit on grief.” I’m sorry to say
you will carry the weight from the loss of your child with you throughout the
rest of your life. You will remember them until you can no longer breathe.
Don’t let people tell you otherwise. Yes, the grief will shift and morph and
move. Some days it will be as if it’s not there at all while others is will be
a heavy burden to bear, but it will never fully or completely go away. And this
is okay. You have the right to grieve for as long or as little as you need,
even if it’s a lifetime because this grief is great because the love was great.
4) You
have the right to find peace when ready.
At first grief hurts. There are really
no words to describe the pain that comes from losing a child. It is
disorientating, out of life’s order of events, and feels so soul-crushing. When
it first happens, and in the months and years after, it may seem as if any
sense of peace will never find you again. However, over time, it will come. It
won’t ever be the same sense of peace you felt before loss; you know the one
that has innocence tag along with it by its side. It will be a sense of
settling into the vulnerability of your soul. It’s a place of knowing the pain
and being accepting of it. Not necessarily okay with it, but a realization that
peace and pain can exist on the same plane, in the same space and at the same
time. You have a right to find this place and embrace it when you are ready.
Don’t let anyone else force you there; it’s a place you must find on you own
time and at your own speed.
5) You have the right to remember
and speak their name.
You
know when people ask you that silly now confusing question of, “How many
children do you have?” Guess what? You have the right to give the real answer. You should say their name as
much and as often as you like. Include their name in holiday cards say their
name in nightly prayers. As they say, “My child did exist,” and you have a
right in remembering and speaking of their life and the love they brought to it
and in many ways still do. I mean if we don’t remember who will? It’s our right
as bereaved parents to carry their memory with us for as long as our heart
beats and speak their name as much as we desire as it is music to our soul.
