Yesterday it suddenly hit me that soon Charlie would have been 3 years old, every year since he died as a family we like to get together, thou as some family have moved to different parts of the country it takes a little more organizing, I have never been a great fan of christmas even when my children were little but i am even less so nowadays the 29/12/2012 changed me,
It made my loath for christmas run deeper, don't get me wrong i am nowhere near like scrooge, just the essence of what christmas should be about was lost a long time ago, whatever happened to a little gift and spending time with your family sharing a meal and laughing and talking, now days the pile of toys must be at least 4ft high with phones and tablets and laptops, but for me the run up to christmas 2012 i didn't want gifts or large amounts of food, sweets and drinks i wanted just one thing
                                                                          ONE GIFT. 
A gift that does not cost anything  i know Charlie's diagnosis was terrible and the awful words that my daughter and myself had to hear (incompatible with life)  the words that make you feel like you have been punched so hard that your legs wobble but that gift that so many people take for granted every day was totally out of our gasp, no money in the world could make this happen, you just can't nip to argos to buy this in fact no shop can ever sell it because that  GIFT was LIFE
Charlie's life was short just 19 minutes long but i have learnt over time that doesn't mean it's the end because Charlie has gone on to help others, he has helped shape future bereavement services, he has raised the profile of bereaved parents and baby loss  and how aftercare is so important.
And more importantly for me he has given me back what christmas is about because on the 29/12 of each year as a family we meet up have a meal talk laugh and share a small gift,