what we have learnt

Thousands of parents experience child loss each year: miscarriages and stillborn births, infant death, and sometimes there are children who pass away suddenly without warning, without explanation. But no matter how one loses a child, whether by prolonged illness or sudden death, the loss of a child is perhaps the most profound, the most overwhelming, the most inconsolable of losses to deal with,

As I have learned over the two years and eight months since my grandson's passing, every individual experiences grief differently. Some days you cry until you can't cry, and then you cry some more, other days it feels like you have a heart of stone, no two days are ever the same. Since Charlie died i think everyone in our family deals with our loss in their own way, we all talk about Charlie and we include him in our lives on a daily basis, but we all find it difficult at times to talk about when he was born, the loss we all felt the pain of losing him plus the pain we felt for Carrie, everything that happened goes against everything we hoped for,It violates the natural order of things your children/grandchildren are not supposed to die before you. As many of you know there is no right or wrong way to grieve and it’s about what’s right for you and your family.


29/12/2012 changed the course of lives forever, yes it was one of the hardest and the most painful any of us have ever gone through but what also came out of that day was hope a chance for change though we didn't know this at the time, we all learnt a lot about courage and strength, Charlie had a whole pile of both, as we move forward as a family we will all carry this with us, as we campaign for better bereavement services, better bereavement care we know if we have as much strength and courage as Charlie did then we will achieve what we set out to.

Awareness and support

When you have Grief in your life, you quickly become an expert at juggling your emotions. You learn how to maintain your composure and get through each day, even though you know something too big for words is missing and sometimes, before you even see it coming, Grief shows up and changes everything. I realize that grandparents mourn twice once for the grandchild you so eagerly anticipate but perhaps even more so, you hurt like never before for your own child. 

My maternal instinct was to comfort and protect my daughter, but there was absolutely nothing I could do to fix it for her. It was the most horrible feeling in the world. I wanted to kiss away this boo-boo like I did when she was a child,

I have also come to realise that the subject of a baby dying is something that is not widely spoken about unless it’s something a person has gone through.

                                           WHY ISN'T IT TALKED ABOUT?

I can only assume the words stillbirth, miscarriage, incompatible with life syndromes, are so horrific to think and talk about that people feel if they don't talk about it and think about it then it doesn’t happen, but the reality is it does happen to thousands of people around the world each day.

I don't think bereaved parents expect or ask for many things below is just a few ways you can show you care and more importantly acknowledge their child.

     1.  Remember our children.

We want the world to remember our child or children, no matter how young or old our child was. If you see something that reminds you of my child, tell me. If you are reminded at the holidays or on their birthday that I am missing my baby, please tell me you remember him or her. And when I speak his or her name or relive memories relive them with me, don't shrink away. If you never met my baby, don't be afraid to ask about him. One of my greatest joys is talking about him or her.

2. Accept that you can't "fix" us.

An out-of-order death such as child loss breaks a person (especially a parent) in a way that is not fixable or solvable — ever! We will learn to pick up the pieces and move forward, but our lives will never be the same.Every grieving parent must find a way to continue to live with loss, and it's a solitary journey. We appreciate your support and hope you can be patient with us as we find our way.

3. Know that there are at least two days a year we need a time out.We still count birthdays and fantasize what our child would be like if he/she were still living. Birthdays are especially hard for us. Our hearts ache to celebrate our child's arrival into this world, but we are left becoming intensely aware of the hole in our hearts instead. Some parents create rituals or have parties while others prefer solitude. Either way, we are likely going to need time to process the marking of another year without our child.

No matter how many years go by, the anniversary date of when our child died brings back deeply emotional memories and painful feelings (particularly if there is trauma associated with the child's death). The days leading up to that day can feel like impending doom or like it's hard to breathe. We may or may not share with you what's happening.

4. Realize that we struggle every day with happiness.

It's an ongoing battle to balance the pain and guilt of outliving your child with the desire to live in a way that honors them and their time on this earth,As bereaved parents, we are constantly balancing holding grief in one hand and a happy life after loss in the other. You might observe this when you are with us at a wedding, graduation or other milestone celebration. Don't walk away — witness it with us and be part of our process.

5. Accept the fact that our loss might make you uncomfortable.Our loss is unnatural, out-of-order; it challenges your sense of safety. You may not know what to say or do, and you're afraid you might make us lose it. We've learned all of this as part of what we're learning about grief.We will never forget our child. And in fact, our loss is always right under the surface of other emotions, even happiness. We would rather lose it because you spoke his/her name and remembered our child, than try and shield ourselves from the pain and live in denial.

Consider it a sacred opportunity to stand shoulder to shoulder with someone who have endured one of life's most frightening events. Rise up with us.

Yesterday was our 2015 Family Fun Day.

The morning was busy preparing things and transporting all our stuff down to the venue.

The weather was being quite nice to us and we managed to get prepared pretty quickly and smoothly.

Our first stall holders started to arrive.

We were all starting to feel very nervous but also very excited. We just wanted it to get underway and for people to start arriving. 

Soon we had all the stalls sorted, the disco was in full swing, the bouncy castle and slide were fully functional and the cakes were all ready to be bought and eaten.

All we needed now were people.

We needn't have worried, people started to arrive just before 1pm.
You could almost feel the anxiousness leaving our bodies.

More people started to arrive and we all seemed to be getting much busier. I was on the Tombola stall and it was getting a good amount of customers.

One of our patrons, Kim Groves, arrived and she was really happy and pleased with the amount of people that had already come. She said she was very proud of what we had achieved and how much we had there for people to do.

We had a slight blip at this point as suddenly the heavens opened and we were all getting very wet. Everyone rallied round and we took all the stalls inside the venue.

Although it meant we couldn't carry on with the bouncy castle and slide or the crazy golf it didn't stop the people coming and enjoying the things that were happening inside.

Everyone who came seemed to be enjoying themselves and we saw lots of kids running around with blue and pink mouths from the candy floss they had eaten.

At 5pm we drew the Raffle. We got the children to take it in turns to pull out the tickets and the people that won prizes seemed very happy with their prizes.

To end the day we had a balloon release. Throughout the afternoon there had been red hearts for people to write a message to someone they had lost. We then attached them to the balloons. we all stood outside and let the balloons of together.

We had so many people that helped us either by donating their time and energy or by donating their service for free. 

After everyone had gone we gathered together to find out how much we had managed to raise. 

At the end of Saturday we had raised an amazing £509.78.

What a brilliant amount. We feel very proud at what we have achieved and for the continued support we have received from our supporters.

Thank You to everyone who was involved with the day, be that by spending your pennies to donating your services. Without all of you we couldn't have come closer to achieving our goal.

O....................................M...................................G

There are now only 5 full days before our 2015 Family Fun Day, raising funds for our centre and our Cuddle Cot Campaign.

Where have all those weeks gone.

This week is going to be one filled with lots of last minute arrangements and checking.

We have been very lucky to have had so many people help us and donate prizes for us to use both on the Raffle and the Tombola.

There has been businesses that have given us the use of their equipment for free, local emergency services have agreed to come along and superheroes have promised guest appearances.

It always amazes us how generous people can be both with their time and their gifts. 

When we are having a bit of a blip and start to think 'what are we doing' it is these people that motivate us to keep going. 

We will receive a message or an email from a family going through a loss and it makes us realise just why we are continuing our fight for better services.

I'm sure this week will fly by and that next Saturday afternoon will be an amazing event. 

At the end of the Fun Day we are going to be having a balloon release for people who would like to write a message and attach to their balloon in remembrance of their 'angels'.
If any of you would like to have a balloon included for one of your loved ones please get in touch. 

You can contact us through our website, Charlies-angel-centre.org.uk, email: charliesangelcentre@hotmail.com, our facebook or twitter pages or on here.  

We cant wait to see everyone at the event and are determined to make it a brilliant, fun packed, money raising Fun Day.

We have been really lucky to be able to start our journey towards providing a support centre for bereaved parents.

From August 20th we will be providing our very first Community Support Group for bereaved parents and families.

Our local church has allowed us free use of one of their rooms to enable us to begin our meetings,(initially fortnightly but with ability to increase to weekly if demand requires), giving bereaved families somewhere to come to find support and friendship.

The group will be on from 7 - 8.30pm at St Cross Vicarage, Middeton Park Avenue, Middleton, Leeds. LS10 4HT. 

There will be refreshments available such as Tea, Coffee or Cold drinks.   

                        

We want to provide an environment where people feel comfortable to come along to and share their experiences.

The group will be an informal meeting and there will be no pressure on anyone to talk..

There will be opportunities to sit and share a cup of tea with other families going through their  grief, or just to be around people.

We are hoping to have Alison  Bowes (Lead Bereavement Midwife for  LGI and St James) attend  some of the meetings to offer her professional support and advice.

Please come along and join us and let us help you with your journey through grief.

We feel that this is a really positive step forward for Charlies-Angel-Centre and we hope you are able to join us.

We now have 3 weeks until our 2015 Family Fun Day.

We are all getting pretty excited now and things are really coming together. There are lots of stalls arranged and loads of activities for both young and old.

There will be appearances from our local Fire Station, Super Heroes and stars from Frozen.

However, we still have time for any of our followers to offer us support either by providing goods for our tombola and toy stall, or by baking us some yummy cakes to sell.

If you know anyone else that might like to help us please direct them to our website to contact us.

If you know you won't be able to join us on the day you can still purchase your raffle tickets by messaging us at charliesangelcentre@hotmail.com

There are some amazing prizes and every penny we raise goes towards the opening of our support centre and the purchase of our 1st Cuddle Cot for the LGI Rosemary Suite.

We look forward to seeing as many of you as possible on the day and thank you for your continued support. 

I have been seeing so many posts recently about friends or acquaintances having lovely bouncing babies. I am always so happy for them and love to see the pictures with all the happy faces.

However, it does also always make me think of those other families still in the hospitals with their 'Angel' babies, and the time we all spent in hospital with Charlie following his birth and death.

This makes it more and more important for us to not only raise enough funds to open our own support centre but in the short term to raise funds to purchase a Cuddle Cot for the Leeds General Infirmary, Rosemary Suite.
This specialist unit is where we were allowed to spend precious time with Charlie as a family.

We want to initially purchase Cuddle Cots for both of the Leeds hospitals but would love to be able to then look at purchasing them for units across the UK.

Please take a look at our campaign and find it in your hearts to make a donation. It doesn't matter how big or small the donation is, every penny counts.



http://www.gofundme.com/Charlie-sCuddleCot